Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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