i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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