I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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