you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize