dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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