i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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