I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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