WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
