I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
