Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We left the knife in your bed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
