There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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