I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
