I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize