I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
