My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize