Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
