the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
