I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
