Dual....:-)
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
