Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
