So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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