jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The police scanner is talking about you again....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
