she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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