For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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