I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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