He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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