Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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