Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
foreskin is a definite game changer
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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