I could make wine with my vomit
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
