yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
