She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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