I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
