Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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