please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
