i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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