I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
