well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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