went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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