Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
