Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Pants are for mortals
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
