i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
