Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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