why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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