i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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