Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
