I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
