my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
