This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
