between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
