I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
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