Those balls look pretty dangerous.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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