She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
