What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
