there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
