Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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