well you can't waste a boner
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
