"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
