Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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