I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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