That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
