***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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