I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
