What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
