I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
