i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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