he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
