I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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