And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
