Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
