I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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