just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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