you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
