I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
