What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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