Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
