why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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