I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
