ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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