I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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