hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Are my feet made of real feet?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
