I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
