and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
