where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
