so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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