He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
